Encountering Jesus

In the past week I have encountered God’s love in a real, tangible way more than my entire life up to this point. It is through no merit of my own, but for some reason God has decided to show himself to me through his son Jesus. It started with a dream. I had a dream last week, that an enormous flood was coming towards me. A blue wall, tall as a skyscraper rushing my way. At first I was scared but then as the water hit me I wasn’t scared. I was happy. I was swimming on top of the waters, safe, with a smile on my face.

To be honest, at first I thought I was going to be blessed in some worldly way. I thought I was going to get a different job or win a competition. But then one night, a few nights after my dream I started writing. I wrote without thinking, without trying to be good, without the pretense of an audience or an award. I felt the spirit of God write through me and sing praises. Here is what God spoke through me.

My God you are my rescuer
My Jesus you are my healer
Thank you for feeling the pain
With me

It means more
It means insurmountably more
That you are here with me
That you feel with me

My God how you whispered softly always
My Jesus how you took the tear drops like bullets
Let them cascade into your shoulders
Beaten together

Holy Spirit to be in it
To withstand the constant taste of death
And still shine enough for me to see
Enough for me to turn my gaze

My God my rock
How you have yet to desert me
When I pounded my fists into your heart
With a desire for death greater than
My desire for your love

My greatest sin
To reject it
To not believe that
You God could love
Me human

But your words
Your words sounding like
Earthquakes beneath my ocean

My daughter
Do you know
How much
I love you

You call me your daughter
My fear of abandonment
My fear of unloved

My God my rescuer
A depth greater than
The biggest depth I had yet to experience

My God my healer
Thank you

Amidst the footprints on my skull
The dirt covering my hands
My body lain like a corpse in garbage

You called me beautiful
You called me your own
Portrayed me like a flower

And I am saved
Believe it
I am saved
Because I can be free again
I can feel wings again
I can see angels again

Because my God
Is my father
And Jesus is my friend
And Holy Spirit brought me healing

Thank you God
You’ve saved my life
Once again

I am loved
By the Creator of
Love itself

Hallelujah!
Praise God!
Praise Praise Praise!

For we have a King
Who loves the lowly
And sees them as daughters
And flowers and beautiful
Precious always lovable gifts

I thank you God
My rescuer
My healer
My father
My friend

For turning something unlovable
Into someone who is cherished

I know it now
I know You
And who I am because of You

I used to want death
I used to choose death

But God how You
Have made me feel love
Like never understood before

My God is amazing
To behold You
Would be to see
Everything and more

And I’ll learn to wait
Because now I see
I understand that death
Is not a choice
It is a holy means
To be with you forever

And I will wait patiently for that day
When I can see your face fully
And feel all of love in your arms

I will wait

My God
My rescuer
How magnificent you are
How majestic it will be
To see you

We are designed to worship God. When I think about how much God loves me, how much he cares for me, how much he endures my pain for me. It absolutely destroys me. The power of God is the love of God. For the first time I can understand why I had to go through depression. Because now I can see it has revealed the face of Jesus.

I thought I had oceans on top of me. I felt like I had drowned, lifeless. But tonight, as I was worshiping God just by singing songs in my room I could hear God say, “I never let you sink. I will never let you sink.” And I could see Jesus holding me in his arms when I was darkness. I saw him stroking my back with such love and care and tenderness. And I could see myself running away from him and Jesus chasing after me trying to hold me again. And I saw myself hit the face of Jesus and spit at him and hit him again. And I saw how he still loved me and tried to hold me and it absolutely crushed me.

What kind of love is this? How could God want to hold someone like me? Why would God want to love me? But the only answer is that God’s love is too extraordinary for a human mind to comprehend. It’s too much.

While I was worshiping I felt God tell me to sit on the floor on my knees. And I felt the Holy Spirit consume me and for the first time in my life I prayed, “God I don’t have to be great. God, I don’t need to be great. Because I am nothing and you are too great.” There was a release, slowly and then massive. I told God to just get rid of me. I don’t need to accomplish anything great. My dreams are nothing and I am absolutely nothing in comparison to who God is.

And you know what God said? He didn’t say, “Finally!” He didn’t say, “That’s right!” I saw the top of the universe with its ocean of stars and galaxies. And God said, “I made this all for you.” What kind of God is this? How much love could God give to say this galaxy was made for you. This God is the God who dances with you.

God keeps showing me visions of the stars and galaxies and us dancing together in white. He’s shown me dreams of me flying and swimming in crystal blue oceans. But these are just a glimpse. This all is just a glimpse of his love, and mercy, and grace.

A few moments after I had said I do not need to be great God told me to go to the bible. I’m usually hesitant with verses God tells me to read, because many times it’s from my own doing not His. But this time he told me to go to Galatians 3, and this is what I saw.

Galatians 3: 7-9 Know then that it is those of faith who are the sons of Abraham. And the Scripture, forseeing that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, preached the gospel beforehand to Abraham, saying, In you shall all the nations be blessed. So then, those who are of faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith.

My worship today started from guilt. I was reading the Bible on my phone at work, where I don’t think anyone is a Christian. But rather, it’s a place where people make jokes about worshiping satan. As I read a verse on my phone, and a coworker passed by I immediately exited out of it. For the rest of the day I was so ashamed of myself. God had shown me dreams of oceans of blessings coming my way, and I was ashamed of him. But as I worshiped God tonight and asked for forgiveness for my shame, and for my constant rebellion against Him, and the amount of pain I must have caused Him, He showered me with a flood of love and the face of Jesus.

This is the God we serve. The God of overwhelming forgiveness through Jesus. The God who hugs you as you hit and spit in his face. The God who chases after you when you run ashamed of Him. This is the love of God.

God will forgive every single sin you have committed. Nothing is too big. You just need to have faith. Have faith in God, and repent, and experience Jesus’ love completely shatter you and who you were. Instead, have him turn you into something so much greater-an image bearer of Christ, a light in a world filled with darkness.

If you are going through pain, know that God feels it with you through Jesus. Every ounce of it, every tear falls on Jesus too. Because Jesus is alive and He is living inside of you and is always with you. He will never let you sink. God revealed this to me. The greatest darkness I have experienced was depression. I truly wanted to die during that time. But now, after years of God healing me I understand. In my greatest darkness, I can see Jesus’ face, his light. It is in that darkness, where God’s love shines the brightest. It is all part of His plan. We can not understand it. Because God is all-knowing and his plan for each and every one of us is amazing once we let go of ourselves and have faith in God’s love through Jesus’ sacrifice.

God is real. God is so real and his love is so tangible. You can feel it. God is not invisible. There is so much He gives us to show us who He is. When you encounter God you encounter the realness of true love. You don’t need anything else. Because nothing compares, nothing even comes close to God.

Romans 8:35-39 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?…No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

God is the goal. Not dreams, not worldly things, not a spouse, not a family, not a friend. God is the greatest reward. Jesus is everything. He is so worthy, and overflowing with grace for us. He is more than enough. He is more than enough. We were born and designed for grace. We are born to pursue and encounter God’s love and shine it to the rest of the world. If you think He’s not listening. If you think he’s not there for you. Have faith. It is in your greatest darkness that the face of Jesus and His love is revealed. To live a life for God is to do what we were created for.

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