The problem during youth is you think you know everything when you really don’t know anything. The problem with getting older is being aware of your reality and increasingly growing in insecurity.
The goal is to find a balance, somewhere in between narcissism and self-hatred. The tiny slot between ambition and obsession, joy and necessity, self-entitlement and giving up. That’s the hard part.
Getting older yet maintaining that youthful curiosity. Learning to be humble without self-deprecation. Finding your faults and choosing to take the next step and grow. The older I become the more I realize what is wrong with me. Some people treat that like a bad thing. Self-awareness isn’t bad unless it stands alone. Growing older not with age but with character is becoming self-aware and then choosing and allowing yourself to grow. Ignorance may seem like bliss, but it’s not. It’s immaturity from a lack of self-awareness.
I don’t entirely believe in the saying, “Some people don’t change.” Everyone has the capacity to change. But it is up to the person to allow change to spread upon them. Some people will never choose to change but that doesn’t mean it’s because they can’t. Some people have change happen to them before they can even decide.
Either way getting older is about letting go of yourself. It’s hard because you can’t go back. A drop of color in a sea of water will never be the same. But is that necessarily a bad thing? As I write at 22, thinking I know anything about this at all shows that I am still very young. But for once, this beginning, I am learning and discovering who I am and that I still have a very long way to grow. Furthermore, I’m realizing that who I am is malleable and ever-changing. I can shape myself through deliberate action and habit. Change is a good thing. If you treat change like potential, it is a very good thing.
On another note, I am learning that in order to change in the direction that you want requires a lot of hard work. You can’t just wait and expect all of your dreams to come true. I don’t believe that the greats were never aware of what they wanted to obtain, a certain level of skill or accomplishment. I think in dreams you also have to be self-aware of what you want. If it’s more than a hobby you have to treat it as more. Great things don’t just fall on your lap. You have to climb and reach for it.
Anyways, I was feeling in a philosophical mood today and thought I’d share my epiphany. I finally got my first real “adult” job as a content writer! After a week I am very happy to be able to write for a living. Although it may not be the subject matter that first comes into mind, I find solace in the fact that now is only the beginning of my career. I still have many years of hard work and growth in front of me to achieve my dreams. Life is only beginning!