Mountain Seeds Poems by Sylvia Yoon Kim

1.

How I wish my soul could sing again

Skies and angels I climbed on

Without a glimpse of the heights

 

I fell

 

Unknowing that wings were a gift

Clouds weren’t free

And stars took time to burn

 

I saw

 

Mountains moved by mustard seeds

But to climb takes an awfully long time

 

Naivety has been a boulder on my neck

I once wished to be seasoned

But now I am burnt

 

I worry

 

My days away by not if’s and could have’s but

What if I never can

What if I never will

 

Myself into nothing more than my illusions

Which plummet in comparison to greatness

 

Greatness

 

I long for you like a child begging for a sweet

But the cavity of my reality is bitter

 

I fear

 

That dreams are nothing more than daydreams

And the everyday is painstakingly today and forever

 

I worry

 

Like a lost dog who no longer has a home

Sniffing for a new place to fill when there are

No more cracks of pavement to grow through

 

I wake

 

Disillusioned to my daydreams

And self-prophesies

 

How I wish

How I wish

How I wish my soul could sing again

 

2.

Nakedly free are we

Who discovered

Mountains grow from seeds

 

We who felt the sound of trees

Birds flapping their wings

 

We who knew to feel the sun

While it was still gleaming

 

If only so

To grow

Survive

And breathe

 

When the awaited darkness

Sweeps a desert clean of its

Relations to the sun

Scattering dust on our skin

 

But knowing

That we

Once again

Will

 

Dance nakedly free

With the stars

And galaxies

 

Throwing away the

Novelty of newness

For a chance to see

Our bodies being carved

 

Into magnificent mountains

From beautifully torn apart seeds

 

For the blessings from woe are these

 

3.

Swallowing pain

Is like swallowing glass

With a smile

 

There’s a hidden chest

Buried in the bottom of my belly

Breathing with afterlives of your presence

 

Amidst blessed ignorance I lost the key

The glass inside scraped through my veins

Making itself known through everyone I have known

 

With a possessive chokehold I hold heavy

Around those I’m begging love me

Love me so I can be set free

 

With a siren in my mind

Screaming leave leave

Before they all disappear and leave

 

With a sudden soliloquy formed from tears

I wonder why this river of glass has yet

To stop flowing

 

Eyes closed

Never stopped an ocean

From making waves

 

I craved for you once

Sewn into the needs of a child

Like milk I needed you

 

Your cratering absence

Like a forest of once lush trees

Beheaded before it learned to blow in the wind

 

But thank God for mustard seeds

And the roots that were out of reach

Of your absence grew into mountains

 

Tall enough to see that I had a Father

All along but he’s telling me to forgive

You the indent of a piece that still feels hollow

 

My father did you know you have a father too

Not the one you parade around

With imaginary whiteness

 

But the one who sees and

Still loves what I cannot love

This glass that scrapes through my veins

 

My gracious God has transformed to water

That runs but time is running out

For me to find you

 

Or for you to ever wish to find me

I’m waiting for the day

When I can keep my eyes open and breathe

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s