I’ve got the unemployment blues. Last week I quit my job at the Gap because management wasn’t the best and my hours kept getting cut due to lack of customers. So now I’m on double duty job hunt wise. I’m looking for a full time job that I actually want and a part time placement for now so I don’t die of boredom or personal disappointment.
The one thing that sucks about graduating early is that all of your friends are still in school and in that student stage of life. It can get quite lonely. My school friends still paint a picture of what they imagine post grad life to be…endless freedom, no homework, the chance to finally follow your dreams. They tell me I’m so lucky to finally be done and complain about all the work they have to do. OK, I may have thought that too once. But safe to say that all of those expectations of dream-living post grad life are total bologna. Yeah there’s no “homework” but every day I wake up and apply to at least five more jobs and desperately seek potentials on every website I can find. That’s the morning-a constant struggle to find something that has “entry level” and my passion in one sentence, without the fine print that says “unpaid internship,” “for college credit only,” or “3-5 years of previous experience required.”
When I look at people thriving in their field I can’t help but wonder, how in the world did they get there? How does anyone succeed when I’m not even experienced enough for entry level? The morning is a complete deflator of confidence and jaded dreams that one of the nearly hundred jobs I’ve applied for will email me back one day. It’s depressing but getting a rejection now gives me a glimpse of happiness, because so many companies will just ignore my application if I’m unfit for the position. At least with the rejection I can cross it off my list of jobs applied to.
There are two routes of activity you can take throughout the day of the unemployed life: lazy or proactive. Lazy meaning rewatching an entire show you’ve already seen before, also known as my December of watching Friends, staying in bed all day wrapped in a cozy cocoon of blankets, never to see the light of day outside. And there’s proactive, or constantly searching for jobs, learning new skills, improving your existing skills, networking to make connections, updating your resume, applying some more, and reaching out to hiring managers personally on top of submitting the standard application. I’ve settled for something in between.
If I’m lucky enough to get a creative spark I’ll blog something which will take up a good chunk of my afternoon. I am so grateful for blogging. It allows me to write, express myself, be creative without an editor changing my words, and motivate myself to continue writing and confirm in my soul that this is what I love to do. Blogging is like a never ending book or journal, totally interactive with friends, strangers, and the world. What a great age we live in.
I love blogging and it’s become both a great new hobby and a way to still practice and pursue my dreams. The only problem is I see news reporters on TV, journalists writing for the New York Times, and read biographies of some fantastic and successful females and can’t help but want more. I want so badly to be successful and achieve so many things and become one of those amazing women people read about. But how in the world do I get there?
It’s hard to be unemployed when you hold such high expectations of yourself. I feel like I have so much to give and offer to the world and yet all the doors are still shut. No one tells you how hard that’s going to be. Nothing can prepare the idealistic dreamer that dreams aren’t necessarily obtainable, at least not right now.
Post grad life and unemployed time is teaching me that I should be patient and have faith. The “should” versus the “have” is the difficult part.
Anyways, enough of the disorganized stream of consciousness. Mornings equal job hunting time. Afternoon is a time for potential blogging or catching up on some old or making new hobbies. Shopping has become my favorite past time lately, which is terrible for someone who is unemployed! But I can’t help it if I’m surrounded by stores with good deals all the time. Just kidding, I must resist and practice self control until I get another part-time job. But lately scouting fashion and creating various looks has been a lot of fun for me. I was never deep into fashion before, but having this time off has given me a chance to experiment and learn more about it.
Evenings are mainly a time to watch shows or my favorite YouTubers. Who knew there were so many? It’s like having dozens of mini shows from fashion, food, music, to comedy. I’m a total YouTube nerd now. You name it, I’ve seen it.
Nights are for workouts when I can be bothered to do so. I’ve never been much of a morning exerciser. I feel like I have the most energy past 7pm. I usually try to have three workouts per week as my minimum, but lately I’ve been a bit less motivated. Although, Spring is near, which means bikini season is quickly approaching. For once in my life I’d like to be healthy and fit enough to strut poolside without shame (which by the way can be at whatever size you wish).
In between it all are the chances to cook. It’s amazing how free time can lead to cooking better food than the rush of instants, fast foods, and packed meals I was used to during school or work time. Cooking has become a very relaxing process for me.
Overall, a day in the life of the unemployed is a struggle to stay positive. Some days I feel motivated to apply to as many jobs the hours allow and have fun with all of my free time. Other days I wake up feeling like a failure too embarrassed to face anyone who knows me. I don’t know anymore. I just feel like so much of my hope and strength has been sucked away from me lately. I keep on waiting for someone to give me an opportunity that seems like it will never come. I want to travel and explore but then I worry I’ll get hired and should save my money and wait. I just feel stuck. I feel frozen in this time capsule that has no room for daydreams and optimism.
Well that was depressing. Sorry if this isn’t the typical motivational and coherent post grad life postings I usually do. I just felt like letting it all out. Life is hard right now. Life is hard when you feel like you could do something so well and yet no one has enough faith in you to give you a chance to prove it. I feel full of “if only’s” and “life is unfair” along with “maybe I should have’s” right now. But there is a time for everything, so I guess right now is the time to feel upset and disappointed. To say that post grad life is easy would be a lie. So there you have it, a bit of truth about how I’m feeling right now during these never ending days of unemployed life.